still catching up on blogs for the last 2 months...
on, the morning of 9/27 i went to my OB appointment. all was well. had an NST (non stress test) and met with my doctor. i was almost 34 weeks pregnant with twins. no contractions, not dilated. my doctor scheduled a c-section for 10/27.
9/28 at 3:30 AM... awoken by my water breaking. there are 2 things i wish i had taken a picture of before i left the house that morning. first, my belly. we don't really have any shots of my belly those last few weeks - bummer. second, i wish we had taken a picture of what our house looked like when we left that morning. you would die, i promise. we were in the midst of having our entire house painted and of course the painters were WAY behind schedule and hadn't shown up to finish the job that day. (adrian had been up until 2AM trying to finish at least some of the job that the painters hadn't done.) when we left, doors weren't on throughout a lot of the house & all the furniture on the first floor was in the middle of the room. it was complete chaos. (thankfully grandma and grandpa brown came to the rescue and put our house back together for the next 2 days!)
9/29 at about 9PM... the twins were born! in a dramatic fashion, of course - but, i'll spare you too many details. see some info here. both were taken to the NICU.
10/1 at about 3PM... i am preparing to be discharged for the hospital and waiting for my mom (who had flown in the day before to help) and beckley to arrive at the hospital to see the twins and drive home with us. i talked to my mom as she said they were preparing to leave and was realizing that a lot of time had passed. i tried calling her a few times, she didn't answer. finally i got a hold of her and she told me that beck had started falling down our stairs at home and she gone after him. the paramedics were on the way to our house. at this point, i knew that i would be leaving my little twins in the NICU that day and now i also knew that my son and my mom had fallen and both were hurt. needless to say, there were many tears shed. (there are tears now just thinking about that time.) luckily, beckley ended up with only a few bumps and bruises. the final result for my mom was not so lucky: a bad break in her leg - requiring surgery with pins, screws & plates the following week.
at some point within my first week home from the hospital, beckley finally started getting his molars (he was 19 months old and had only 6 teeth up until this point). he was waking up numerous times at night and was just not himself - super grumpy and clingy. not exactly ideal for a mom who has to wake up every 3 hours to pump and spends lots of her time 40 minutes away at the NICU. beck definitely had a rough time those first couple weeks. we all did, really.
thankfully i was able to have a VBAC. the recovery was so much better than my c-section which made everything else that was going on a little easier.
things i will always remember from those first few weeks of the twins lives:
numerous drives to the hospital (i actually somewhat enjoyed this time alone. i would often wake up early around 6 to go see the babies in the NICU. stopping at mcdonalds for breakfast on my way & driving in silence. i guess i knew to treasure this silence because my life is definitely loud now.)
beck crying & yelling lots (breaks my heart to even think about it. poor kid was jossled around so much. he was often put to bed or a nap by one person and woken up by another. i was away from beck more than i ever had been (well, aside from those 2 weeks i spent in greece!).)
my mom and beck "scouching" across the floor. and, feeling so bad for my poor mom. she had so willingly and graciously come to help us... and she ended up needing help. which i know was so hard for her. i often thought i don't know who i feel worse for - her (that she is hurt and can't help in the way she had wanted to and planned to) or me (that i was so looking forward to her help). in the end, she was such a great help! and, i wouldn't change a thing.
pumping. pumping. pumping.
rocking beck to sleep and often letting him nap on me (something i hadn't done in months). the poor little guy was a mess.
outings with my mom and beckley - we were quite a group! (my mom on crutches, me recovering and crazy almost 2 year old Beck)
feeling so torn - and feeling guilty. i felt guilty if i was at the NICU, because i wasn't with beck. i felt guilty when i was home with beck because i wasn't at the NICU with the twins. i felt even more guilty if i was ever at home and beck wasn't... just felt like i should either be with the twins or beck at all times. (definitely don't feel that strongly now - ha). i felt just as guilty if i was ever anywhere but at home or the NICU - it felt so weird/wrong to be at the grocery store or church or where ever without the twins.
i know there is so much that i am leaving out. but, i wanted to at least get some of this down.
oh, i am glad those days are behind me. although, the current days are pretty challenging, i am so glad that i have all my boys in one place... and that place is home. (too bad my mom isn't still here though!)
on, the morning of 9/27 i went to my OB appointment. all was well. had an NST (non stress test) and met with my doctor. i was almost 34 weeks pregnant with twins. no contractions, not dilated. my doctor scheduled a c-section for 10/27.
9/28 at 3:30 AM... awoken by my water breaking. there are 2 things i wish i had taken a picture of before i left the house that morning. first, my belly. we don't really have any shots of my belly those last few weeks - bummer. second, i wish we had taken a picture of what our house looked like when we left that morning. you would die, i promise. we were in the midst of having our entire house painted and of course the painters were WAY behind schedule and hadn't shown up to finish the job that day. (adrian had been up until 2AM trying to finish at least some of the job that the painters hadn't done.) when we left, doors weren't on throughout a lot of the house & all the furniture on the first floor was in the middle of the room. it was complete chaos. (thankfully grandma and grandpa brown came to the rescue and put our house back together for the next 2 days!)
9/29 at about 9PM... the twins were born! in a dramatic fashion, of course - but, i'll spare you too many details. see some info here. both were taken to the NICU.
10/1 at about 3PM... i am preparing to be discharged for the hospital and waiting for my mom (who had flown in the day before to help) and beckley to arrive at the hospital to see the twins and drive home with us. i talked to my mom as she said they were preparing to leave and was realizing that a lot of time had passed. i tried calling her a few times, she didn't answer. finally i got a hold of her and she told me that beck had started falling down our stairs at home and she gone after him. the paramedics were on the way to our house. at this point, i knew that i would be leaving my little twins in the NICU that day and now i also knew that my son and my mom had fallen and both were hurt. needless to say, there were many tears shed. (there are tears now just thinking about that time.) luckily, beckley ended up with only a few bumps and bruises. the final result for my mom was not so lucky: a bad break in her leg - requiring surgery with pins, screws & plates the following week.
at some point within my first week home from the hospital, beckley finally started getting his molars (he was 19 months old and had only 6 teeth up until this point). he was waking up numerous times at night and was just not himself - super grumpy and clingy. not exactly ideal for a mom who has to wake up every 3 hours to pump and spends lots of her time 40 minutes away at the NICU. beck definitely had a rough time those first couple weeks. we all did, really.
thankfully i was able to have a VBAC. the recovery was so much better than my c-section which made everything else that was going on a little easier.
things i will always remember from those first few weeks of the twins lives:
numerous drives to the hospital (i actually somewhat enjoyed this time alone. i would often wake up early around 6 to go see the babies in the NICU. stopping at mcdonalds for breakfast on my way & driving in silence. i guess i knew to treasure this silence because my life is definitely loud now.)
beck crying & yelling lots (breaks my heart to even think about it. poor kid was jossled around so much. he was often put to bed or a nap by one person and woken up by another. i was away from beck more than i ever had been (well, aside from those 2 weeks i spent in greece!).)
my mom and beck "scouching" across the floor. and, feeling so bad for my poor mom. she had so willingly and graciously come to help us... and she ended up needing help. which i know was so hard for her. i often thought i don't know who i feel worse for - her (that she is hurt and can't help in the way she had wanted to and planned to) or me (that i was so looking forward to her help). in the end, she was such a great help! and, i wouldn't change a thing.
pumping. pumping. pumping.
rocking beck to sleep and often letting him nap on me (something i hadn't done in months). the poor little guy was a mess.
outings with my mom and beckley - we were quite a group! (my mom on crutches, me recovering and crazy almost 2 year old Beck)
feeling so torn - and feeling guilty. i felt guilty if i was at the NICU, because i wasn't with beck. i felt guilty when i was home with beck because i wasn't at the NICU with the twins. i felt even more guilty if i was ever at home and beck wasn't... just felt like i should either be with the twins or beck at all times. (definitely don't feel that strongly now - ha). i felt just as guilty if i was ever anywhere but at home or the NICU - it felt so weird/wrong to be at the grocery store or church or where ever without the twins.
i know there is so much that i am leaving out. but, i wanted to at least get some of this down.
oh, i am glad those days are behind me. although, the current days are pretty challenging, i am so glad that i have all my boys in one place... and that place is home. (too bad my mom isn't still here though!)
1 comment:
that is awesome that you had a VBAC! I bet it really makes a difference. I'm sorry about his molars, Sylvia is 13 months and has 11 teeth already...so crazy! Beck is still so little, I was looking back at videos of Finn (17mos) when Sylvia was born and he was such a little boy, it's so wild. I think about you often and hope all is well. Way to go mom!
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