talking.

catching up: on my own!

my parents left soon after Thanksgiving...

and then,....

i was on my own!

on my own with 3 kids!

yikes.

i was feeling pretty good about myself that first morning...

we all waved goodbye to my parents from the porch.

so sad.

beck didn't want to come back inside, 

so i bribed him by bringing in his rocking chair from the porch.

(bribes - they get me through each and every day!)

i then managed to get in a little early morning photo shoot

with these 3 cute boys!

everybody was happy.

and then,

we headed out on our very first walk!

(i had never taken all the boys on a walk

even with someone else there to help

so i was feeling pretty brave)

it was warm and we didn't have anything planned for the day

(nor did i have my live-in nanny (aka mimi) around anymore

to watch the boys while i ran),

so we were off!

we walked up to the bakery by our house

(swirly girls.  if you haven't been there, you should go!

and, if you do, tell them that you know Beckley, he is totally famous there.)

i got a much (& always) needed diet coke and a yummy sandwich.

while, beck made a mess with a cinnamon roll & loved it!

the twins...

they TOTALLY cooperated with us :-)

so, as we headed back home...

i'm thinking...

i can totally do this!

and then, i notice beck is being super quiet...

he was totally asleep!

so, then i thought...

i can TOTALLY do this!

when we got home, i just picked beck up and put him in his crib for his nap.

easy.

then i just took the sleeping twins inside.

easy.

all 3 boys were asleep.

i enjoyed a little bit of quiet time.

and, then it happened.

the twins woke up crying.

and, beck woke up in the foulest mood EVER!

luckily,

a cookie and some Yo Gabba Gabba

helped Beck's mood

(for a little while at least...)

(bribes!)

yikes.

maybe, this wasn't going to be so easy.

maybe, i can't do this...

by about 3:00 we were all in tears.

this is what my house looked like by the end of the day.

i'd say that first day pretty much summed up 

the last couple months of being 

on my own

with these 3 little boys.

moments or days when i think:

i can do this.

quickly followed by moments or days or weeks, when i think:

i can't do this, at all.

there are MANY days

that by about 4:00

we are all in tears.

all 4 of us.

but, there are other times 

(like right now, actually)

that life seems manageable.

 there are times that 

i am able to enjoy some quiet time

and thus, able to enjoy my boys when they wake up.

(unless it is beck in one of his foul after nap moods...

not much to enjoy about that!)

but, it seem that every time i find myself thinking:

i can totally do this.

i am quickly humbled.

i have had to learn that 

i can't do "this" 

by myself 

all the time.

luckily, i have MANY people around

that are there to help me when we are having a rough day

so, THANKS to all those people!

and,... all my boys are suddenly awake!

wish me luck...

(still catching up!) Twins: 2 months! (on 11.29.11)

 McKay & Crew

these little guys were 2 months old 

on 11.29.11

 Here are some stats from their 2 month appointment (on 12.8.11):

McKay

weight:  8.05 lbs (0%ile)

height:  20.28 in (0%ile)

Crew

weight:  7.5 lbs  (0%ile)

height:  20.28 in  (0%ile)

Our little guys still aren't on "the charts",

but take a look at how much they have grown since

birth and their one month appointment.

(and here is compared to Beckley's 2 month appointment.)

these last 2 pictures depict how McKay spent much of his 2nd month

while little Crew just sat there quietly with an innocent look on his face.

 We sure do LOVE these boys!

and, this is how we roll

introducing my TRIPLE running stroller!

canNOT wait for it to warm up...

i wish...

i wish you could all hang out with this kid right now.
he is SO MUCH FUN!
(despite the occasional temper tantrum.)
this is an age/phase i totally want to freeze.

this "smile" face makes me laugh EVERY time!

catching up November - photo shoot

In mid-November,

when the twins were about 6 weeks old,

we had a friend (THX Joanna!) come take some pics of the boys.

Here are a few of the pictures:

Adrian and Crew

McKay

 Big brother, Beckley

McKay

Crew

LOVE these sweet boys!

YES! LOVE.

kairos.

it has been a rough few days for me.


(migraines, spitting ups, not enough sleep, finding&loving&then promptly losing the perfect part-time nanny, crying, nursing/pumping/formula stress, etc...)

i put this picture as my iPhone wallpaper a few days back
and seeing it often through the day has made me remember that
the "hard" is worth for it moments like this.  (i LOVE that boy)


i also, LOVED this blog post that a friend shared with me.


often when i am in tears or yelling at Beck more than i should or just feeling sad, i often think:  "why am i feeling this way?  i have everything i ever wanted."  but, nonetheless, it is hard.  reading this blog post, made me remember that i am not alone in those feelings and to look for and enjoy the good each day.