a post from YGYHF... brave?

i posted this on my other blog

( you've got your hands full )

this morning:

i fell asleep exhausted on the couch last night around 10...

an early night for me.

i woke up around 5 and went into bed...

but, i had a feeling i could not shake.

it is a feeling i have had numerous times over the past few months.

i tried for an hour to fall asleep,

but i couldn't shake those feelings.

i thought, 

as i have each time this feeling has come, 

give it a day or a couple days...

don't act on that feeling now...

don't give up yet...

"you can do it, caisa"

but, then i thought...

maybe i need to act in the moment

when those feelings are there

and not when i get sucked back into my busy life...

when i hardly have time to think between 

3 kids, laundry, coaching, running, church, dishes, etc...

so, here i am sitting at my computer at 6AM.

to borrow a line from one of my all time favorite movies, You've Got Mail,

"closing the shop is the brave thing to do."

so, as i sit in my quiet house with a cold DDP, some candy corn

my own thoughts and a few tears...

i know in my heart & gut that 

"closing" You've Got Your Hands Full is the brave thing to do.

as i mentioned, 

this thought of stopping this blog 

has entered my mind more than once over the past few months.

it comes in moments when life feels overwhelming and i am exhausted.

i have declared to my husband "i am stopping the blog" more than once.

but, then undoubtedly, 

i always get the nicest message/email from one of my sweet readers...

a mom with her hands full who is is touched and grateful for something i said or shared.

and, it is the buoy to keep me going for a bit.

but, that thought and feeling that maybe i should stop always comes back.

a virtual friend that i met via this blog and instagram,

often tells me that i have "a big heart for other moms"

such a compliment.

but, i have a bigger heart for my boys.

and, i am feeling like they need more of my heart.

my beck just woke up (it's now 6:20)...

i heard him saying from the top of the stairs 

"mom come lay by me"

as often happens at least once a night.

so, i snuggled in bed next to him

and he instantly put his arm around me

(the tears were streaming now)

as i often do, i asked him 

"beck, do you know how much mommy loves you?"

to which he always responds "too much"

as i think about all that i have done with this little blog...

and all that i still want to do with it...

i think "don't give up, caisa".

but, i don't think i am giving up.

i am being brave.

i am brave enough to admit that i can't do it all.

i am brave enough to say that i don't want to do it all.

i am brave enough to realize that i have my limits.

i am brave enough to walk away from something that still has potential 

(at least in my eyes, anyway!).

i am brave enough to give "too much" of my heart to motherhood.

so, although i love this blog,

(for so many reasons!)

i love those little sleeping boys "too much".

i'm not sure if this is a forever "good-bye"

or a "see ya later"...

maybe in a couple months i'll be back blogging at YGYHF...

not sure.

but for now,

i need to say "bye bye".

i am going to give a lot more attention to my personal blog again

(which has suffered greatly over the past 6 months)...

so, please follow me and my boys over at

ABC + 3

there will be some aspects of YGYHF that i will simply move over to that blog.

ABC + 3 is more focused on our daily life...

we would love to have you follow along!

i will also be stopping my

@yourhandsfullblog

instagram account.

but, would love for you to follow my personal account

@caisajill !

one of my twins is crying,

so off i go...

"onward, brave mother, onward"!

(as i am about to hit "publish"

i am hoping that i don't regret acting in the moment...

but, for now i'm following my gut

and going to snuggle on the couch 

& watch some Blues Clues with my boys)